Dry Butt or Wet Butt?

I don't know about anybody else, but I tend to get up numerous times in the night to use the toilet. I stumble out of the bed, and make my way to the bathroom. Because it is my house, I can often get to the bathroom, use the toilet and return to my bed without incident and without turning on a light. Why should I blind myself when all I need to do is take a quick pee?

Last night I did just this. I stumbled out of bed, made my way to the bathroom, sat down, and holy shit was that cold! Yes, my sweet sweet husband left the seat up so that I could have the most pleasant experience of falling in the toilet. Thanks honey!

This happens to me more than I like to admit and I always voice my displeasure. The conversation Big Papa and I have goes something like this.

Me: You left the seat up, and I fell in the toilet.
Hubs: Oh yeah
Me: Yeah. You need to put the seat down when you are done.
Hubs: (Chuckle) Look before you sit down.
Me: IT'S DARK! I swear one of these days I am going to come wipe my wet ass on you!

Now I know women find falling in the toilet absolutely infuriating! Its unpleasant, cold, and just kinda gross!Because I know my husband has a horrible habit of leaving the seat up, when we moved into our new house I made claim to the bathroom in the hall in hopes I wouldn't have this unpleasant experience. I would rather share with sweets than have to fall in the toilet late at night. So guess who insists on using the girls bathroom over his very own?

I am at a loss here. He truly thinks I should have to check before I sit, and I believe he should just simply put the seat down, after all he is the one who put it up right?

So I pose this question to the cyber world. Who is responsible for the toilet seat? Do men need to have the common courtesy to put the seat down for us since we have to sit and pee, or because we have to sit and pee do we have always look before we sit?

If they had to fall in the toilet, would this even be a discussion?
 

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Never Hurt Me

Running through an elementary school playground in 1985 an adult may have heard many children chanting, screaming, snottily saying to each other "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".
I have very vivid memories of using this very phrase myself (and yes I used it through the eighties, including 1985). I can also remember teachers, parents, and most adults constantly reminding me of the phrase as I complained of my peers saying mean things to me. (The chia pet song still makes me cringe as I remember hearing boys in middle school tease me over the hair on my face. They called me a chia pet and sang the catchy little tune every time I walked by.)

Looking back I realize this is a real crock of shit kind of saying! (Not the chia pet tune but the old eighties phrase stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.) Yeah, yeah I get it, its supposed to teach us not to listen to our peers when they tease us and say mean things, but in truth, I would much rather break my leg or even have you break it than have years of nasty things said about me to overcome because someone told me words should not hurt.

Now, I have always had a way with words and truly believe not many people have messed with me throughout the years because of it. (Yes I was also a middle school bully and found myself apologizing to one of my victims when I was in my twenties for my horrible pre-teen behavior.) I have always been able to slam you down before you could me by throwing my weight in words around. In my twenties, a very close friend of mine at the time told me that she never wanted to have a battle of words with me because she knew her feelings, heart, self esteem and everything else would be crushed. Its funny though, because she could have taken me down with one punch to the arm quicker than I could have ever slammed her with my words. (No joke, at the bar one night I got us into a world of trouble with a girl after I was flirting with her boyfriend. When the guys girl came after me for some nasty things I said to her, my 3 bad ass girlfriends had the girl on the ground as I cowered away.)

We constantly hear on the news about how teens are killing themselves due to someones mean words, yet we try to tell ourselves and children that peoples words don't hurt. (Why are we teaching them that when we know better?)

 There have been family members, friends, strangers, coworkers, etc. cut out of my life and my families lives because of the nasty things they have said about me or my loved ones. And lets be very clear, those awful words DO NOT have to be said to my face. In fact, I find it much more hurtful when these horrible things are said behind my back. If you must say something hurtful and nasty at least have the balls to say it to my face. That way I can at least tell you to fuck off to your face!

As an active member in the community of younger children, I have not heard this unhonest phrase used in any recent years that I can think of. Most of my coworkers, friends, and family all try to empower children to tell people who say hurtful things that those words are "NOT NICE" or simply "I DON'T LIKE THAT".

Now I am the first to admit I can gossip with the best of them. I can sit around and talk about who said this, or who did that, who has a fat butt or who had some bad plastic surgery. And I certainly don't hesitate to voice to my loved ones when I have come across someone I simply don't like. And if I disagree with you I can guarantee I am probably going to be talking about you to someone else. But if you want to know if Ive been talking about you, just ask. (I might be saying good things about you. I have been known to do that from time to time.)  I will, with my head held high tell you that I absolutely have! (I will probably feel like a total ass when you ask, and will likely apologize if I've been exceptionally nasty, but I will grab my balls and own up to my bad behavior.)

I am not suggesting that owning up to it and admitting my nastiness makes it okay, but it at least makes me a little more aware of my own crappy behavior. The behavior I know I do that hurts others for what could very possibly be days, weeks, and even years.

Recently I have read, heard, and watched some extremely hurtful things being said about people I love very much, by people I love very much. (Yep thats right my family talking bad about family, how loving is that?) I was also informed by Big Papa (just like that old friend of mine said to me ten years ago) that I can say some very mean things (of course its always right to his face) that hurt him right to the heart. So I've decided to change that phrase so commonly used in the eighties. I've decided I am going to make a conscience decision and effort to say less mean things about people and instead say more nice things. It only makes sense that if mean words hurt us so deeply, then kind words can only help heal us. (Now I am not perfect so this is a work in progress, feel free to call me out on my nastiness when it arises). I have also decided that I am going to teach Sweets that her words can be very hurtful and to choose them more wisely then I have throughout the years. The phrase I am going to teach her to chant to her friends and to herself as she starts to say something hurtful is as follows:

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones and Words Really Hurt Me"

I Know You're Curious

Originally I didn't want this blog to be about my everyday life, and I still don't, however sometimes the two collide. So here is a little piece of me.....

I know the last six months of my life have been truly confusing to some, others are probably curious, I know some could care less, and others can't wrap their head around the madness even when they try.

To be blunt, I am utterly exhausted from answering all the questions people have, while also attempting to understand the insanity of it all. While answering all the questions I have tried to stay strong, light hearted, positive, and thankful, but I am tired of hearing myself. So, here is the story. If you ask me again what the plan is, I am going to refer you here. Just sayin.....

Just over a year ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (which was heartbreaking for all involved) for sometime all I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry. I had gone blind in one eye, was starting a brand new job, caring for an infant essentially alone while my husband attended school, and living in crap shoot Alabama. Sounds fun right? It's amazing that my marriage and friendships survived that time (some friendships didn't).

Because of the MS and the medication I am SUPER sensitive to the heat. I would be at work, chasing little people around, sweating my ass off, while everyone else wore coats. There were times I was so hot I had to strip down to a tank top and my jeans at work and it was the dead of winter!  (Real professional right?) And yes I know, Alabama doesn't get frigid winters but come on, a tank top in January?

As I complained to my neurologist about how hot I was all the time, Big Papa and I were  playing with the idea of moving. The two years we committed to in crap shoot Alabama were coming to an end and we wanted out! Big Papa doesn't have much longer before he can retire so we both wanted to go somewhere we might not go otherwise, Alaska. My neuro thought because of my heat sensitivity it couldn't be a bad place for me, so he wrote the United States Army a letter on mine and Big Papa's behalf. A matter of a few weeks later, and we had orders.(We aren't sure if the letter had anything to do with the move or not, but we were stoked!) Alaska here we come!

I quit my new job (where I had FINALLY started to make friends and fit in), we packed up our lives, left the few friends we had and started our journey. And what a journey its been!

Big Papa got to AK with our super cool dog. Myself, sweets, and the cat were soon to follow. And hopefully our furniture and things wouldn't be to far behind us. (That seems like such a ridiculous and funny thought now!)

Let's just say unpacking is going to feel like Christmas!

The Army has a program that is SUPPOSED to keep families together, especially if one member of the family has some sort of medical issue. (The thought of this makes me want to fall on the floor in hysterical laughter....what a joke!) No, it's just another reason to separate families and make spouses feel like garbage!

So like a good, compliant military family I enroll. Looking back, I should have known better!

Someone, somewhere along the way decided that because I was in the program, and had multiple sclerosis they weren't going to provide me with care in Alaska. (Some ignorant fool told Big Papa there were no neurologists in Fairbanks, ummm there were 3 all of which would take me as a patient, we called.) We were told I could go and be with Big Papa, but my medical insurance was essentially null and void. If I needed care, it came out of our pocket! Do they know what an MRI costs? Do they know what they pay my husband to support his family? Are you fucking kidding me? (Before anyone gets mouthy, yes I know I can get my own health insurance but there were other things that came into play, financially we couldn't do it without support from the military.)

So the agency that claims to be very family oriented, has separated us, and is refusing to let us be together. Why? Because the cold is bad for me. Huh? Who said that?

So Big Papa climbs the big boss chain, calls in favors and we wait. In the meantime, sweets and I go to Alaska for a vacation. (We had already bought a one way ticket, and I wasn't about to give that up.) We spent 6 weeks together and were once again separated.

Since May, Big Papa has spent less than 2 months with his wife and daughter. He has been living in an empty three bedroom home with no furniture and a dog. (That's right, he has a couch that we had to buy, a chair and a TV.) Luckily we figured we would be separate from our things for a month or so, so Big Papa hauled a few things North that he knew he would need. Sweets and I had most of our summer clothes with us, but all my winter clothes and winter shoes sit somewhere in Alabama in boxes. Did I mention Big Papa is paying nearly 2 grand to live in an empty house he thought he would share with his wife and daughter?

Sweets and I essentially moved in with my mom. The benefit? Sweets knows my mom very well and they are madly in love. Never did I think I would be living with my mom and daughter while my husband sat in an empty house with our super cool dog.

In August we learned we would have to wait until October to be reunited (some BS about the fiscal year). At that point it was only a month or so. We could do that even though we were annoyed and lonely.

October came and went. Here it is December and we just got official word. 

Sweets and I are NOT joining the boys in Alaska. Instead Big Papa is getting compassionate reassignment (just in case I get so sick and he has to take care of me). Hold on, I cant stop laughing!

So we got kicked out of Alaska because its too cold (I don't know where the person who made that decision got their MD from but whatever) and got reassigned to the lovely, beautiful, so sophisticated El Paso! (Yes, this decision makes a lot of sense...I am heat sensitive so send me to little Mexico where I can still wear tank tops year round and look like a total ass!)

So there you have it. That is the last 6 months of irritation and frustration rolled into this blog. Unlike before, I now have a few answers and so do you, so please don't ask.

I am a TODDLER, hear me ROAR!

My daughter and I have become somewhat acquainted with a park that isn't too far from my moms house. It is stroller friendly so when we go, always with my mom, we walk the path for a bit. As we walk we witness people playing tennis (which I so badly want to learn how to play), my daughter says "hiiiii" (in the sweetest voice one could produce) to every dog or child that we pass. Sometimes we partake in conversation with my mother and sometimes we just walk. We work our way to the playground where there is often a variety of other children and parents milling about. Doing the usual "hi, how old is your kid" and "I take my child to such and such and we do such and such" talk.

One of the first times we were there, this little boy not much older than my little person, walked right up to her and smacked her in the face. I waited until she cried, and the boys mother did nothing before I walked over. Of course she was fine. I think her feelings were hurt more than anything. I bent down, looked at the boy and then looked at my sweets and told her to tell him "no". She did, but not until we walked away.

A few minutes of play in another part of the playground and the little boy was back. He walked right up to her while she was among other children, and stole the binky right out of her mouth (yes she still has a binky, don't judge). Again I waited. The mother did nothing and my sweets started crying. I walked over, bent down, and told her to point at the boy and say "no, mine!". She did, when we walked away.

All the while the boys mother watched and said nothing.

Some time went by before we returned to the playground (mostly due to the circus I like to call military living). We returned this weekend and to no surprise there were many other kids at the park, many who were close to the age of mine. All the kids played side by side and chatted in their little person chatter with no problems. Out of the corner of my eye I see a woman walking up pushing a stroller. Out pops this little guy who starts heading directly for sweets (I have been trying to give her a little space while she plays). Under my breath I say "is that the same little boy from last time?" Right as that is slowly and quietly coming out of my mouth the boy grabs sweets arms and obviously squeezes. I slowly start walking over as she bursts into tears. The boys mother looks at me and says "he was trying to hug her" (oh please lady, your child squeezed her arms not attempted a hug, what the crap is a hug in your house, sheesh). Again, I bent down, looked at sweets and told her to tell the boy "no".

Of course she did, when we walked away.

I try to be as calm and realistic as I can when it comes to sweets but I have such mixed feelings of such encounters. First I want to man hate and blame it all on the men of the world. I think things like I wonder why the boys mother wasn't teaching her son proper behavior, especially toward girls (But Melissa, he was only trying to hug her. Oh right just like when the abusive husband only punches you because he loves you)? And, why do you let your child hit others without teaching them proper behavior, is it because you don't stand up for yourself? Or is it because that is the mans role in your house? Crazy right?

I wonder do we start molding them before the age of two on how to treat others? Was this boy targeting sweets because he has been molded somehow already? (Yep, I'm man hating and stereotyping, and whatever else you want to call it). I want to empower my sweets to tell people "no" when she feels necessary! I want her to stand up for herself and for what is right. Do I start that now? Right in front of bullies moms when they stand with a blank stare, or excuse the behavior because "he really meant to be nice"? Ummmm, yes, yes I do!

My next reaction is purely the mother reaction or womanly instinct. Its simple, it goes like this. Is it too early to teach her to defend herself and hit em' back?

Finally, there is the not wanting to be "that" mom reaction. It goes as follows. The boy continually hits sweets, and I need to use it as an opportunity to teach her to stand up for herself, and its totally normal little person behavior, but WE'RE LEAVING! Stupid kid, comes in here and picks on people smaller than him! What a mean, aggressive little boy! Ooooo, that mom is in soooo much trouble if she doesn't get a grip on THAT kid right now! He is so cute, but oh so mean, I see a future bully! Every time we are here he picks on her, first he smacks her face, then steals her binky, now squeezes her arm. I cant believe the mom just stood there and said nothing. I wasn't expecting an apology but at least use it as a chance to teach your little bully hitting is not ok!

 OK Melissa, stop, breathe.......
　
　
　
　
　
　

No No, Yes Yes

                                                           

Yes and No, words many adults have a hard time using and understanding.


Recently,  I found a book that teaches a few basic rules using two simple words, yes and no.  Its a children's book written by Leslie Patricelli, titled "No No Yes Yes". With a few minor changes it could easily become book many adults could learn from. Leslie Patricelli's book teaches children using very simple, illustrations. There is one where the child is yanking, shaking, and downright torturing a cat. The look on the cats face makes you wish you could jump in the book and save the poor thing. Above the picture in  large dark letters reads "No No". Turn your attention to the page on the right and you see the same child and cat enjoying the child nicely petting its fury friend. Above written in the same dark, large print you read"Yes Yes". Brilliant right? This is what is not nice, and this is what is! What a concept! (Can you hear the sarcasm in my voice?)
                                                      
Turn the page and you see a child illustrated holding what could only be a plastic toy hammer. It looks like the child wielding the toy hammer is about to smash it over his friends head. Above the illustration reading loud and clear "No No". On the right side the same child is using the toy hammer to bang plastic nails into a toy work bench. Cheerfully watching is the child who on the opposite page was about to be pummeled. Above in bold black letters "Yes Yes". What a genius concept. Pictures to teach us that No we cant beat people up, but instead we play nice with each other.

I was telling my mom about this book because my daughter loves it. She asks my husband and myself to read it over and over. We change the commentary we use to narrate the pictures to entertain ourselves and her, but always follow along with the concepts that are illustrated. We even started using no, no and yes, yes when we are trying to correct her behavior or teach her certain things are or are not for her to play with. I laughed when my mom chuckled and mentioned that she knew many adults who could benefit from such a book. What a genius idea!

The lessons in the adult version could even be similar to those in the children's book. No, no you cannot hit your friends when you get drunk or need an ego boost. Yes, yes  play nice with your friends and have a laugh. No, no don't do mean things to people and animals you love. Yes, yes give them hugs and treat them nicely. The book could even become the first of a series. Just think, gender specific. To a woman: No, no you don't need another pair of shoes. Yes, yes save the money for a nice vacation instead. To a man: No no don't leave your clothes wherever they drop in the place you happen to take them off. Yes, yes bend over, pick them up and put them in the dirty clothes hamper. A book directed at teenagers could be written too. No, no don't post every thought that crosses your mind on the internet. Yes, yes leave some thoughts as just that, thoughts and don't post too much personal information on the internet.
                      
I think as adults, we tend to make things much more difficult than they truly are. Do we really have to explain to each other that no means no? Or that its ok to say yes when someone asks if you need help? We make simple statements so difficult by over analyzing them and the situation in which the word was spat. No I don't want the credit card you are trying to bombard me with information on, or yes I would love it if you did the dishes. Those seem like such simple and easily understood statements.  Yet it seems we have a hard time with these small, easily read words. Perhaps we should pay more attention to our toddlers books and simplify things. There are certain behaviors, actions, and verbal altercations we should not participate in, and there is always an alternate action that is going to be better received by all involved, leave the actor with more integrity and pride, and would simply make people feel better.

Such simple words for what should be such simple rules, no and yes.