Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Never Hurt Me

Running through an elementary school playground in 1985 an adult may have heard many children chanting, screaming, snottily saying to each other "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me".
I have very vivid memories of using this very phrase myself (and yes I used it through the eighties, including 1985). I can also remember teachers, parents, and most adults constantly reminding me of the phrase as I complained of my peers saying mean things to me. (The chia pet song still makes me cringe as I remember hearing boys in middle school tease me over the hair on my face. They called me a chia pet and sang the catchy little tune every time I walked by.)

Looking back I realize this is a real crock of shit kind of saying! (Not the chia pet tune but the old eighties phrase stick and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.) Yeah, yeah I get it, its supposed to teach us not to listen to our peers when they tease us and say mean things, but in truth, I would much rather break my leg or even have you break it than have years of nasty things said about me to overcome because someone told me words should not hurt.

Now, I have always had a way with words and truly believe not many people have messed with me throughout the years because of it. (Yes I was also a middle school bully and found myself apologizing to one of my victims when I was in my twenties for my horrible pre-teen behavior.) I have always been able to slam you down before you could me by throwing my weight in words around. In my twenties, a very close friend of mine at the time told me that she never wanted to have a battle of words with me because she knew her feelings, heart, self esteem and everything else would be crushed. Its funny though, because she could have taken me down with one punch to the arm quicker than I could have ever slammed her with my words. (No joke, at the bar one night I got us into a world of trouble with a girl after I was flirting with her boyfriend. When the guys girl came after me for some nasty things I said to her, my 3 bad ass girlfriends had the girl on the ground as I cowered away.)

We constantly hear on the news about how teens are killing themselves due to someones mean words, yet we try to tell ourselves and children that peoples words don't hurt. (Why are we teaching them that when we know better?)

 There have been family members, friends, strangers, coworkers, etc. cut out of my life and my families lives because of the nasty things they have said about me or my loved ones. And lets be very clear, those awful words DO NOT have to be said to my face. In fact, I find it much more hurtful when these horrible things are said behind my back. If you must say something hurtful and nasty at least have the balls to say it to my face. That way I can at least tell you to fuck off to your face!

As an active member in the community of younger children, I have not heard this unhonest phrase used in any recent years that I can think of. Most of my coworkers, friends, and family all try to empower children to tell people who say hurtful things that those words are "NOT NICE" or simply "I DON'T LIKE THAT".

Now I am the first to admit I can gossip with the best of them. I can sit around and talk about who said this, or who did that, who has a fat butt or who had some bad plastic surgery. And I certainly don't hesitate to voice to my loved ones when I have come across someone I simply don't like. And if I disagree with you I can guarantee I am probably going to be talking about you to someone else. But if you want to know if Ive been talking about you, just ask. (I might be saying good things about you. I have been known to do that from time to time.)  I will, with my head held high tell you that I absolutely have! (I will probably feel like a total ass when you ask, and will likely apologize if I've been exceptionally nasty, but I will grab my balls and own up to my bad behavior.)

I am not suggesting that owning up to it and admitting my nastiness makes it okay, but it at least makes me a little more aware of my own crappy behavior. The behavior I know I do that hurts others for what could very possibly be days, weeks, and even years.

Recently I have read, heard, and watched some extremely hurtful things being said about people I love very much, by people I love very much. (Yep thats right my family talking bad about family, how loving is that?) I was also informed by Big Papa (just like that old friend of mine said to me ten years ago) that I can say some very mean things (of course its always right to his face) that hurt him right to the heart. So I've decided to change that phrase so commonly used in the eighties. I've decided I am going to make a conscience decision and effort to say less mean things about people and instead say more nice things. It only makes sense that if mean words hurt us so deeply, then kind words can only help heal us. (Now I am not perfect so this is a work in progress, feel free to call me out on my nastiness when it arises). I have also decided that I am going to teach Sweets that her words can be very hurtful and to choose them more wisely then I have throughout the years. The phrase I am going to teach her to chant to her friends and to herself as she starts to say something hurtful is as follows:

"Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones and Words Really Hurt Me"